7: Mushfaking

I can think of many instances when I had to mushfake. Because my whole is basically a big mushfaking festival. In fact, one of the mottos I live by is “fake it ’til you make it”. I know I’m not the only person that pretends like they know what is actually happening around them, but I’d say I do it more often than others. 

One of the times I had to mushfake is when I first moved to California in 4th grade. First of all, I was 10 and had only attended an American school for a year before moving back to the Philippines. I lived in Maryland for a year when I was 8 and was in an English learning class but when I moved back to the Philippines at 9, I went back to speaking my native tongue. Anyways back to California. When my family first moved to San Diego, my sister and immediately started school (in February, too!). It was difficult adjusting to such a different atmosphere and environment. I only knew a small amount of English and I had a fob accent, lol. It was hard to talk to the teacher and ask for help because I didn’t even know what we were learning about. I often found myself sitting in detention during recess because I wouldn’t know which homework assignments we were supposed to do, and therefore I would not do them. It was especially challenging to make new friends because kids can be cruel sometimes, and the fact that I had such a strong Filipino accent when speaking English made other kids not want to talk to me. 

I remember towards the end of the school year all the 4th graders had to make three speeches and present them in front of the whole class and be filmed while giving the speeches. The speeches were assigned every two weeks, so everyone had two weeks to write and prepare to present their speeches before giving them. Those weeks were the ultimate mushfaking time for me. I barely spoke English, I had a strong accent, and I had trouble asking for help because my communication skills at 4th grade weren’t so great. So basically, I was in some deep ass trouble. I eventually went to my mom for help writing and preparing my speeches but since Tagalog was also her first language, she was only able to help me with the main ideas and points. Putting the speech together to make it flow smoothly was still a challenge for both of us. Fourth grade was not a fun time for me. 

I started to adjust better in 5th grade. It was still there, but there was definitely much less mushfaking involved. I had made a couple of friends by then and started doing better in school. I  even became friends with my school librarian because I read so many books. Because of this, my English improved significantly, but I think it wasn’t until middle school that I lost my fob accent. 

School is a setting that everyone mushfakes at. Even to this day, I feel like we all mushfake at some point during the school. We all kinda just learn how to hide the fact that we’re faking it.